I don’t tend to use this blog space for personal topics. I guess I just think that nobody really wants to read about my latest stress or complaint about life, but there’s something about today that’s got me wanting to share.
Every day I am surrounded by successful people, or at least people who I deem more successful than myself. My boyfriend is working hard to achieve his dream career, my friends are either working their way up in the big bad world or exploring every corner of it and having the most amazing experiences. Even online I’m constantly marveling at other bloggers and how successful they are, crafters who have forged a career out of their passion and inspirational men and women taking on all of the bad sh*t we hate about the world and creating a better place for everyone to share. So I guess it’s no surprise that when I look at myself and see no career, no amazing life experiences and really no idea where the hell I’m heading, I feel a little inadequate.
In the last few years I have wanted to have a vintage shop, run a cupcakery, be a jewellery designer, an interior designer, and a personal stylist. I’ve wanted to spend my life knitting and sewing and creating beautiful things, and earning a living from blogging about them. But none of those things have stuck.
I’ve realised that my mindset is wrong. I already broke the mould when I was 18. School taught me that the way to success was to get good grades, get into a good University and secure a good job. I denied their rules and refused to go to University. I was doing it my own way, but I think there was always an underlying subconscious feeling that I was doing it wrong. That I didn’t follow the rules and I would fail because of it. That without a degree success was impossible. I’m slowly coming to realise that those subconscious thoughts have been holding me back all along. I can’t compare myself to those classmates who are busy climbing the corporate ladder – that’s just not me. And for right now, I don’t know what me is. And that’s OK.
Trust me, I’ve shed enough tears over the stress of a ‘failed’ life. I’m not saying I never will again, I’m just saying that I’ve realised that I need to let go of that stress. I don’t know what I want, but I’m not going to give up hope. It will come to me one day, and as long as I make myself happy in the interim, everything will work out just fine. And that’s the key really, isn’t it? Happiness. It might be taking a long walk, brushing up on your photography skills or having a great conversation with a great friend. Whatever it is for me, I need to make the effort to do it, and so do you. Negativity seems so great, overwhelming and powerful when you don’t create the happiness to chase the darkness away.
Now here’s the part that most people will think is really lame, but I don’t care! I guess I’ve had a bit of an epiphany about this issue of mine, and it’s come from a quote from Twilight (yeah, go ahead and laugh if you want, but this might have just saved my sanity!)…
I guess I just needed to get that out. And while I’ve definitely felt alone in my unhappiness, I’m pretty sure that there are plenty of people out there who have felt the same way, so to you I say this: Do it your way and have faith in yourself, because the right life will come along one day, but for now, embrace the present and smile! And I’m here if you want to talk.
Thanks for reading, until next time!